Stupendosity

In light of recent events of no particular significance, I have yet again come to the conclusion that I have a great life. So many things that seem to be in utter chaos seem to fall into a universal symmetry, allowing me to be benign regardless of so-called trials. I've learned the power of choices and how my agency is controlled by no one except me. In choosing the better part I align myself with a course set toward truth and light, one that doesn't falter for its very foundation is unshakable and set in the bosom of eternity. This journey toward further truth has outlined the importance of the basics. In those truths which make up the roots of my tree I have found serendipity more than once. The branches hold some of the mysteries to life and truths which are enlightened in due time, yet the base is where I retract to in order to reset. A revamping of sorts seems to be the circular motion of my life. I come to know certain things and gain a firm grasp on them, then when I think I'm good on my own and steer toward pride, I falter and wane. Yet, when I repent, changing my view of myself and everything else around me, I remember what I'm fighting for. "He that holds out faithful to the end shall in no wise lose his reward. A good man will endure all things to honor Christ, and even dispose of the whole world." -Joseph Smith (HC 6:427) The greatest thing about truth is that not only does it allow me to endure for a higher purpose, it becomes the framework to the joy that accompanies my endurance. One of my favorite analogies is how life is like climbing a mountain. We need to remember that each step is what makes us reach the top, sometimes we need to turn around and see how high we are already. The traveling is as much the point of the journey as the end result. Every moment holds an adventure to be had and a lesson to be learned. We fight for the ideal of freedom, yet the freedom is always right before us. We have every weapon within us to take from the enemy any liberty he may have stolen. Whatever your enemy may be, your capacity to fight is not being fulfilled, and the potential of the day can be met by choice. Your own self-actualization takes place the moment you embrace truth by choice and let go of favorite fetters. Take hold of the adventure before you that is life, and I promise it will unveil a happy soul. I know because I'm in the beginning stages of this adventure, and it is truly beautiful.

The Challenge of Understanding

7 Months. That's how long I dated this girl. Her name is Rachel. She's one of my best friends and a truly great person. We broke up a few days ago. It came expectedly, sort of. We were planning on taking a break, but we were going to stay just as friends and enjoy the summer together, at least to keep each other company and relax on the pressures of figuring things out. I never tried to expect anything from her, only love her and treat her the best I knew how. I'm a very honest and open person, especially in relationships, and sometimes methinks it's intimidating. She's a very introverted person, so sometimes that was a challenge in knowing what was going on inside her heart and mind. I tried to figure it out, and sometimes I came close, but there was always a slight mystery to her, not knowing where she stood. This resulted in a few misunderstandings and miscommunications. I truly did my best to be there for her how she needed me, and some of my friends said they'd never seen a guy work so hard for a lady. Now that it's over, I feel the tiredness from it beginning to settle. I didn't realize how stressed the situation made me, and now, my body is feeling it; I'm physically sick and a little lost as to where I'm to go now and what I'm to do. I suppose I'm writing this now for the catharsis of my old friend, writing. It's always been an outlet for me, and perhaps will allow me to figure things out more. Yet, I am hopeful. As the good Doctor Seuss said, "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." My happiness is not conditional upon a girl. Although she made me more happy, I know that I can be happy without her. The future is always bright, no matter the speed bumps of the present. I decide my own happiness, and though it's hard to figure out, I am not a victim of circumstance, I am a proactive being, working to make the most of my life. I have things I need to work on, I know that, but as I progress into the future, my best just gets better. I am sorry when there are those who belittle me for my weakness, pointing them out, even though I already knew they were there. Yet, I am strong and independent. I don't really care what others say about me, only that which God and His servants perceive. So, as I improve, so does my chance for greater happiness. I love love, with all of its vicissitudes and strange idiosyncrasies. This is to futures unknown and the faith that brings joy to it. That risk is always worth it, even when it ends in un-understandable failure. And to optimism accompanied by the hope the atonement gives, which has always pulled me through the hardest time of my life. I always have to live by my favorite scripture: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."-Proverbs 3:5-6

Gusher, UT

Today, for most of the day, I chased cows. I separated them, ran them down, pushed them into a chute. My dad, Eric, and I were joined by my mom's cousin Lloyd (whose cows they were), a random person named Richard, and John Mathis; from the State House of Representatives. He's a good vet, an okay politician, and a terrible farmer, but that's beside the point. The snow gets cold as you constantly stand in it and the weather here isn't that helpful either, since the Uintah Basin is generally the coldest place in Utah and Gusher is usually the coldest place in the Basin. But this is my home. Manure was frozen to my boots, the dog was chasing the cows in the wrong direction, and my dad has a constant yell of, "Hurry up boys!" and "Get 'im!" in this situation. None of this phased me much though, since it is something that has been a part of my life since birth. This little farm contains a piece of me that is omnipresent in my character, whether subconsciously or not.

Tonight the horses got out of the gate after all that other fun work with the cows was done. This is a constant danger when working with animals: they're always looking to escape so that they can be caught again. After chasing the three of them for about an hour, we caught two of them and the other almost trampled my sister in his escape. With a few U-turns and Utah swear words, I headed up past my grandpa's to yet again chase this elusive horse. I parked and tromped through the crunchy snow, finding him whinnying frustratedly as he couldn't reach his compadres that were my grandpa's horses on the other side of the fence. I slowly wrapped the bailing twine around my glove as I walked and let go of my previous annoyance with a smile. I decided to not outrun him, for he is a horse which equals the speed and power of one horsepower, but rather to befriend him. I made him jealous at first, showing the other horses all the affection by scratching their ears and chins as they timidly wobble their heads into my hands. Not wanting to miss out on this action, our lone, adventurous horse sheepishly comes forward to the hands that have fed him over this break. I slowly put the string around his neck and smile at my animal friend and the success. Patience and kindness beat out anxiety and aggression.

Last night I sat on a hay bail as I loaded the feed to take a break. The sun was setting with all the majestic purples, oranges, and blues that it entails. The horses were silhouetted by a lake of pure, undefiled snow in the hay field behind them. And a few blue birds came from nowhere to sit atop a weed coming out from under the shed; standing in stark contrast to the circumstance of weather, yet nonetheless adding to the overall beauty of the scene. And from all this I thought, "God really loves me. I'm lucky to grow up here." It's true as true. Why are these stories relevant? Because of what I already wrote. This is home. This is what I stemmed from. For all its quirks and idiosyncrasies, Gusher is my home. The lessons it holds are endless, and the grace it lends, if it has any, is consistency. I love it. It is one of the most beautiful places on Earth; but methinks it takes someone who grew up here to truly appreciate it.