7 Months. That's how long I dated this girl. Her name is Rachel. She's one of my best friends and a truly great person. We broke up a few days ago. It came expectedly, sort of. We were planning on taking a break, but we were going to stay just as friends and enjoy the summer together, at least to keep each other company and relax on the pressures of figuring things out. I never tried to expect anything from her, only love her and treat her the best I knew how. I'm a very honest and open person, especially in relationships, and sometimes methinks it's intimidating. She's a very introverted person, so sometimes that was a challenge in knowing what was going on inside her heart and mind. I tried to figure it out, and sometimes I came close, but there was always a slight mystery to her, not knowing where she stood. This resulted in a few misunderstandings and miscommunications. I truly did my best to be there for her how she needed me, and some of my friends said they'd never seen a guy work so hard for a lady. Now that it's over, I feel the tiredness from it beginning to settle. I didn't realize how stressed the situation made me, and now, my body is feeling it; I'm physically sick and a little lost as to where I'm to go now and what I'm to do. I suppose I'm writing this now for the catharsis of my old friend, writing. It's always been an outlet for me, and perhaps will allow me to figure things out more. Yet, I am hopeful. As the good Doctor Seuss said, "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." My happiness is not conditional upon a girl. Although she made me more happy, I know that I can be happy without her. The future is always bright, no matter the speed bumps of the present. I decide my own happiness, and though it's hard to figure out, I am not a victim of circumstance, I am a proactive being, working to make the most of my life. I have things I need to work on, I know that, but as I progress into the future, my best just gets better. I am sorry when there are those who belittle me for my weakness, pointing them out, even though I already knew they were there. Yet, I am strong and independent. I don't really care what others say about me, only that which God and His servants perceive. So, as I improve, so does my chance for greater happiness. I love love, with all of its vicissitudes and strange idiosyncrasies. This is to futures unknown and the faith that brings joy to it. That risk is always worth it, even when it ends in un-understandable failure. And to optimism accompanied by the hope the atonement gives, which has always pulled me through the hardest time of my life. I always have to live by my favorite scripture: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."-Proverbs 3:5-6
